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Richard Nixon
THIS PAGE IS ABOUT THE AMERICAN HERO RICHARD NIXON. FOR HIS EVIL TWIN BROTHER SEE THIS PAGE EVIL RICHARD NIXON Richard Millhouse Van Houten Nixon the Honest was the first Holy Roman Emperor of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. Nixon is famously known for single-handedly winning the Vietnam War and retiring as a Great American Hero at the top of mount doom. Early Life Richard Nixon was born poor, but God liked him anyway. He was raised as an evangelical Quaker, and throughout his life he would pray five times a day to the Quaker Oats Man. In 1926, Nixon attended ITT Technical Institute on a full athletics scholarship (flag twirling). While there, he became known for being a master debater and for having extremely hairy palms. He also ran for student body president, but was defeated after it was revealed he bugged the dorm rooms of his opponents. Nixon learned his lesson and would never do that again. Fun Facts * he inspired the Republican tactic of mobilizing the base * Being Nixonish is second only to being Lincolnish. * People dress like him on Halloween, but we aren't sure why. * He once wandered the streets of Washington, D.C., naked, armed only with a bottle of moonshine and a meat hammer, striking down godless hippies and bears alike * Had an awesome dog named Checkers. * Resigned from the presidency because he thought America deserved a Republican as great as Gerald Ford. * Jesus guided Ford's hand to pardon him * He earned everything he got, according to him. * He is definitely not a crook despite what the left wing conspiracy has said; if he said he's not a crook nixo-facto he's not a crook. * He is totally not racist, and totally not anti-semitic. * He has pouches on the sides of is inner cheeks (the ones on his face) that allow him to store favoured treats the likes of almonds, handkerchiefs and AK 47s. This is why he has large jowls. * Richard Nixon had an Evil Commie Hippie Twin Brother. When Nixon went to China his Evil Hippie Twin Brother fooled the rest of the Nation by pretending to be the Real Nixon. He started to mandate his evil tyranny by pushing some tree-hugging hippie policies like the National Environmental Policy Act, the Marine Mammal Protection Act, the Clean Air Act of 1970 and the Federal Water Pollution Control Act amendments of 1972, as well as establishing many commie government agencies. This Evil Nixon is responsible for the founding of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA)82, and the Council on Environmental Quality... but he was not done yet, Evil Commie Nixon then tried to pass Universal Healthcare but by then the Real Nixon came back from China and stopped his Evil Twin. To this day no one knows what happened to Evil Nixon... *Tuns out that Nixon wasnt the monster people are making him to be...